So, this is almost like a journal entry for me right now. I have been going through a lot of things and since I started blogging I have realized the therapetuic release it has given me. Plus, I love to share these moments of my life with those who read this because one day I hope my come backs from these life experiences can help those who may be going through the same things in their life. To inspire them and empower them that everything will be okay as long as you trust the journey and surrender to the universe…
Whenever I feel stuck in my own head, I turn to trusting in the universe to help me let go and move on. Lately, I have been stuck on the thoughts of “why me?” applying to almost every aspect of my life. Last week was one of the hardest weeks for me to go through. I came back from an amazing little getaway to Denver, Colorado with my best friends/roommates for my birthday and came back to what felt like the week from hell. It was a snowball effect of negative things happening in my life one after another. All I kept hearing myself say was “why me? why now? why am I going through this?” I’m usually really great at stepping away from my feelings and moving forward with my day but, the amount of shit getting dropped onto my lap that week was so overwhelming I completely lost it. I had a mental breakdown.
A lot of overwhelm came over me all at once and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I received some of the most unexpected and heart breaking news, of course in the middle of this week that made everything worse. The cherry on top of the cake, my first puppy had passed away back at home. It was such a difficult time for me that on top of everything it seemed as if I didn’t even have a moment to myself to mourn and was just thrown completely off course. Every single day I came home I was in a negative mood. I hated the fact the people I love so much the ones I spend every single day with were so happy and full of life and the moment I got home it was like I was an energy sucking life force. No matter how hard I tried I just could not be happy.
There are a lot of people from back home that follow me on the internet and what not that see my life and say, “wow you’re always so positive, you’re life looks amazing, etc.” When in reality, they don’t see these days that I go through. They don’t see my downfalls and the struggles I go through that push me to be that positive person. The moment I came home from one of the worst days I dealt with that week, my roommates had done everything in their power to comfort me with open arms and brought me back to center. They were the rocks I needed in that crazy time when I didn’t even know how to care for myself. My three best friends were there for me when I needed it most. They lifted my spirits and supported me no matter what I was dealing with. True friends help you find the important things in life when you feel like you lost them & I thought damn well I lost all of them. Things as simple as my smile, my faith, and my courage. They started to preach things I preach to myself. Hearing it from people that I love was making all the difference & for that I’m so grateful for them and their ability to know me to my core and lift me back to my higher self.
I know that the universe has my back. Its something that I practice its something that I preach. However, in those times it was making it so hard to believe that it was true. I kept telling myself that these feelings were temporary and that I needed to practice letting go so I can release my negative worries but, it wasn’t until I heard it from them, really sat down and had emotional conversation with them, that I realized it was time to let go.
Everyone goes through these times. It is what makes us who we are inside and outside. If we didn’t go through challenges than how would we grow? I keep telling myself, which would be my best advice to you if you relate, is that this is all temporary. That this is just what is going to make me stronger. That there is a reason behind all of this. I told myself these things, these mantras, every single day. All day. I looked in the mirror and cried my eyes out and said them. I closed my eyes at every stoplight just to breathe and repeat (cautiously of course) I had to really feel these feelings of sadness and despair to feel the feelings of gratitude and serenity. I finally got to a place where I didn’t feel like I was drowning. I was able to let go. I’m giving myself completely to the universe and letting this path unfold before me. I’m done taking control and I’m done worrying about “what’s next” Why? because I know whats next. I know what I want and I know what I’m trying to manifest and I know that if I want it bad enough, if I feel that its true, if I feel what its like to be loved by my future soulmate and have my ideal relationship, if I feel what its like to have a career doing the things I love with the people I love inspiring and empowering, If I feel what its like to have all the flexibility and free time in my schedule to accomplish the things important to me like working out and yoga, than the universe will respond to that vibration and I will see my life unfold right in front of me exactly how I see it now in my mind.